I’m ready for some positive aspect of pregnancy now.

Given that I’m well past my first trimester, I think that I don’t have much hope of the ‘vomiting all over myself’ part ending anytime soon. I’m really ready for a constant indicator that there’s a new human life growing inside of me and that I don’t just have a disease. It’s hard to have any affection for a disease.

I don’t even remember what feeling nauseous feels like, right now. Maybe it’s hormones, like the ones that let you forget the pain of labor. Maybe I don’t even get nausea anymore– just the sensation of my gorge suddenly rising, and wondering if I can hold it back long enough to position myself in front of something with a basin and a drain.

You know what’s tragically funny? I was just reading about high fructose corn syrup and all the ways it’s bad for you. And yet I’m pretty sure the only stuff I can keep down reliably is just full of it. Sweet stuff. I love the sweet stuff and so does my stomach.

Sometimes sudden sweet flavor rushes can avert it, or make a purging bout shorter and less painful. Lollipops help. There’s a sugared bubble gum with liquid centers that’s almost perfect. I hate chewing sugared gum but I hate studying the meal I ate a second time even more.

I’m also reaching a point where it’s getting a touch uncomfortable to sleep on my stomach, but it’s nearly impossible to sleep on my side. I try to prop myself up everywhere but the point where the pressure bothers me. But my clothes still fit (for which I’m actually grateful) and there’s nothing really to feel with my fingers.

And I’m getting really tired of this fucking rain. We’re now an inch and a half over the March average. We get a flood warning every week or so. I’m just so tired of it. I keep watching the 10 day forecasts and there are half-day respites sometimes, when the ground dries out a bit and the sun tries to come out but I feel like it’s all a gambit by the weather to avoid making any more long-streak-of-rain records. February was also 2 inches over the average. Stop trying to drown me!

I continue to be really glad I’m not working at Microsoft, even though that makes money tight. I started to see a little forward motion on positive projects this week but I don’t want to jinx it so you don’t get to know.

EtA: One of the reasons I want the rain to end is that our backyard is flooding and rotting in places. This means whenever the dogs come in, they smell really really really bad. We have to clean their feet off most of the time, and we do, but the smell of disgusting mud lingers. And encourages heaves! I can’t really manage taking them for walks simultaneously anymore, even if it weren’t wet wet wet wet all the damn fucking time. I feel that wrangling two dogs who average out to a bit over 100 lbs and are prone to sudden spurts of racing ahead would definitely violate the ‘heavy lifting’ ban, in spirit if not in actuality. So they HAVE to go into the backyard. I bought them booties for such occasions as this but they cause Hannah to have a nervous breakdown while Dante tries to take everybody’s shoes off.