Shining through
March 29th, 2007
Oh, by the way, the quad screen to estimate the chances of Zod having various birth defects came back normal. That means the chances are pretty darn low.
Categories: Science Experiment | Tags: pregnancy | 1 Comment
Everybody, pay attention…
March 28th, 2007
It’s nice to know that when I use my ‘freak my shit out’ voice, the dogs pay attention.
I wasn’t actually freaking my shit out, but I was close, after a long day running errands and feeling more pregnant than usual. Full of anxiety about the state of the house and the money situation. Overall, the people who live with me should be very glad that they were not present or I almost certainly would have given them one of my painful little lectures on how we need to Get Stuff Done.
It was a nice day, so I left the front window open a bit when I left for errands. When I came home, Dante was so excited to see me, he knocked the screen out. Luckily the window was just high enough that he resisted the impulse to leap out and race around. Which surprised me, honestly; when he was younger (much younger, back in Kirkland), he leapt down from at least that high once.
This was not the trigger of the almost-freaking-my-shit-out. No, it was muddy feet again and the dogs racing inside past me later without the usual pause to have their feet wiped. I shrieked and they both turned and returned to me like boomerangs, all licky and eager to show me I was boss.
Categories: Pets | Tags: dante, hannah, Pets, pregnancy | No Comments
I say, have a nice day…
March 26th, 2007
Well, apparently when my old host tried to renew attractmode.net, it caught some kind of credit card error. And the emails to me went to my old email address, not the new one I’d tried repeatedly to update in their records. And so attractmode.net expired. And now somebody is squatting on it. I consider them THIEVES even though technically, legally, it was up for grabs.
Kevin found me attract-mode.net instead and he said he himself mistyped it regularly so it wouldn’t be a huge switch. So, here I am. I’ve spent most of the day wrangling my old blog entries over. Not yet as simple as I think Wordpress would like it to be.
If you’ve found your way here, yay! Please spread the word about my new url!
Categories: Updates From the Void | Tags: blog | 3 Comments
Here’s a cute thing, at least.
March 23rd, 2007
Hannah encourages me to take afternoon naps (by herding me upstairs) and Dante likes to curl up with his head on my abdomen when I lay down. I don’t think he can pick up what a Doppler can’t, but it’s still pretty cute.
Categories: Science Experiment | Tags: cute, dante, hannah, Health, Pets, pregnancy | No Comments
I’m ready for some positive aspect of pregnancy now.
March 23rd, 2007
Given that I’m well past my first trimester, I think that I don’t have much hope of the ‘vomiting all over myself’ part ending anytime soon. I’m really ready for a constant indicator that there’s a new human life growing inside of me and that I don’t just have a disease. It’s hard to have any affection for a disease.
I don’t even remember what feeling nauseous feels like, right now. Maybe it’s hormones, like the ones that let you forget the pain of labor. Maybe I don’t even get nausea anymore– just the sensation of my gorge suddenly rising, and wondering if I can hold it back long enough to position myself in front of something with a basin and a drain.
You know what’s tragically funny? I was just reading about high fructose corn syrup and all the ways it’s bad for you. And yet I’m pretty sure the only stuff I can keep down reliably is just full of it. Sweet stuff. I love the sweet stuff and so does my stomach.
Sometimes sudden sweet flavor rushes can avert it, or make a purging bout shorter and less painful. Lollipops help. There’s a sugared bubble gum with liquid centers that’s almost perfect. I hate chewing sugared gum but I hate studying the meal I ate a second time even more.
I’m also reaching a point where it’s getting a touch uncomfortable to sleep on my stomach, but it’s nearly impossible to sleep on my side. I try to prop myself up everywhere but the point where the pressure bothers me. But my clothes still fit (for which I’m actually grateful) and there’s nothing really to feel with my fingers.
And I’m getting really tired of this fucking rain. We’re now an inch and a half over the March average. We get a flood warning every week or so. I’m just so tired of it. I keep watching the 10 day forecasts and there are half-day respites sometimes, when the ground dries out a bit and the sun tries to come out but I feel like it’s all a gambit by the weather to avoid making any more long-streak-of-rain records. February was also 2 inches over the average. Stop trying to drown me!
I continue to be really glad I’m not working at Microsoft, even though that makes money tight. I started to see a little forward motion on positive projects this week but I don’t want to jinx it so you don’t get to know.
EtA: One of the reasons I want the rain to end is that our backyard is flooding and rotting in places. This means whenever the dogs come in, they smell really really really bad. We have to clean their feet off most of the time, and we do, but the smell of disgusting mud lingers. And encourages heaves! I can’t really manage taking them for walks simultaneously anymore, even if it weren’t wet wet wet wet all the damn fucking time. I feel that wrangling two dogs who average out to a bit over 100 lbs and are prone to sudden spurts of racing ahead would definitely violate the ‘heavy lifting’ ban, in spirit if not in actuality. So they HAVE to go into the backyard. I bought them booties for such occasions as this but they cause Hannah to have a nervous breakdown while Dante tries to take everybody’s shoes off.
Categories: Science Experiment | Tags: food, pregnancy, weather | 6 Comments
Google homepages now have themes
March 20th, 2007
And they update to reflect the time of day.
That rocks.
Categories: Updates From the Void | Tags: google, tech | No Comments
Update on General Zod
March 19th, 2007
The sad news is, I didn’t get to hear a heartbeat today.
The good news is, Kevin, Michelle and the doctor all saw General Zod squirming on the portable ultrasound machine the doctor dug out when she decided General Zod was hiding too well to show up on a doppler. She said she thought everything looked good, and that my very minor cramps were just the uterus stretching (which is basically what I’d hoped).
I think the next step is to call my aunts. This weekend, though, since my long distance is so crummy.
Hm, do I have more to say? I was definitely ready for more concrete evidence of General Zod’s continued growth; a tiny bit of spotting on Friday (after heavy lifting on Thursday) plus the stretchy cramps made me, well, happy for evidence. When she couldn’t find the heartbeat I thought ‘I knew it!’ but without any panic or worry. I think that was because the doctor was so calm about it.
The doctor ordered the quad screen blood test, which is a blood analysis that looks for four different substances in the blood. The levels of those substances combined with other risk factors lets the doctor decide if they should order additional screening for stuff like neural tube defects and Down Syndrome. The phlebotomist couldn’t get blood from the first arm so she had to stick me a second time, which I’d never personally experienced before.
Kevin said he wanted a portable ultrasound machine of his own, but if he had one, he wouldn’t leave me alone.
The IntarWeb says that the baby’s probably around 4 inches long now. My God. No wonder I feel sore and crowded inside. Presumably it’s kicking organs out of the way to make room, since it isn’t rising up or sticking out any. Stop it! Stop, Zod! Stop kicking me! Come to the front, there’s PLENTY of room up top. Nothing there but cushion.
The most annoying little change to ME as a result of General Zod is that I make tiny little noises now sometimes when falling asleep. When I’m exhaling, my voicebox will randomly engage, causing a tiny little ‘mmm’ noise– just loud enough to wake me up. That’s really a general theme, though– all my various output systems have become linked and looser. V. irritating.
Categories: Science Experiment | Tags: general-zod, pregnancy | 4 Comments
Why am I so easily worn out?
March 15th, 2007
Still not done with IF thingie, IFers. Sorry. Not forgotten about. Something to do with insecure PHP variables supposedly.
Just planted the everbearing strawberries. They arrived a few days ago, a bit early, and I wanted to get them into dirt and water.
That Carouselchain story is still basically not done. It started out well, went along for a while, and once I started having real trouble with it the writing took a turn for the worse. Now all that’s left is a climax of sorts and I even know what it is but I’m plagued by doubts that it’s lame. I think I should write it anyhow so I can put it in the ‘to be edited’ pile rather than the ‘to be finished’ pile but it’s so easy to find distractions.
While I suddenly seem to have lots of ideas for stuff that is totally experimental or a tried-and-true nonsale (like poetry), Kevin has been gently nudging me on the road of novels. I think I can start up TFN 2 again. I hope. What I think and what turns out to be true have so little in common these days, with regards to my writing.
It continues overcast here. Dante likes to chew on the peat pots I got for my seedlings, sometimes with seedlings inside. I need to get him more officially sanctioned chewbones.
In the name of writing, I’ve been exploring national tourism sites, building a list of ‘well-known features/attractions of a country’.
Cooking, sleeping, very bad housekeeping, American Idol, Disgaea 2, shouting at dogs, visiting seedlings, reading books on decorative painting, thinking about writing, scribbling bad poetry. Running errands. Coughing up breakfast and a lung. That about sums things up. Expect a pregnancy-themed post Monday afternoon, if my doctor actually manages to keep our appointment.
I’m so damn embarrassed by this– by what a gentle person would call writer’s block. So damn ashamed.
Categories: Garden, Updates From the Void | Tags: art, gardens, Me, tfn, video-games, Writing | 2 Comments
First Nice Day of the Year!
March 6th, 2007
Categories: Updates From the Void | Tags: dante, gardens, Pets | 3 Comments
I mean, part of it is anatomy.
March 6th, 2007
It’s easy not to think of babies much yet. I’m clinically obese. This means there’s not much to indicate I’m pregnant. My breasts are bigger, and that’s about it. I’ve gained a bit of weight but I gain and lose amounts less than 10 lbs so easily that it doesn’t really seem significant. We haven’t heard a heartbeat yet, ’cause again, I’m obese. I assume I’m still pregnant with a living fetus, because there’s been no cramps, no blood, lots of sneezing and the continuing attacks of nausea. Every so often I have to refer to a web calculator to find out how far along I am– right now, I’m at about 13 weeks (as measured from last menstrual period). Well, technically, 12 and 6/7 weeks. My next doctor’s appointment is currently scheduled for March 18 (I think) and I guess I’ll be at 15 weeks? Hopefully they’ll be able to doppler a heartbeat by then. And the doctor said something about another ultrasound at my April appointment, which I suppose will be at around 20 weeks.
I suppose at some point after that I should do whatever arcane maneuvers my insurance requires so that I can give birth in a hospital without incurring random expenses.
I’m a little sad that most of my friends-and-acquaintance detailed pregnancy blogs are by slender women. I haven’t been able to find a lot of first-hand experiences (complete with occasional pictures– I wonder a lot when, if ever, I’ll ’show’, and if I’ll ever actually NEED maternity clothes) of being pregnant while also being 80 lbs overweight. There’s lots of simplistic advice to lose weight before getting pregnant, and there’s one website that makes an attempt at being a resource for large, pregnant women– but most of the advice and experiences seem aimed at women far larger than me. and the material they do have is very limited. According to my doctor I’m tiny compared to some mothers she’s worked with, which was nice to hear. But it’s the same way I’ve always felt when bra shopping– too big for the normal stuff, too small for the big sized stuff (my breasts are pretty small compared to my hips and chest. Well, they were.)
Anyhow, mostly what I find is a chart of how much weight I should gain, and lists of all the complications that might come along with being obese. They irritate me, to be honest. I don’t feel like I’m starting out disabled. But it’s hard to really feel connected to stories where the protagonist can see the difference five pounds makes on her body, who notices some pudge and longs for the day when she starts to get a bump so people know she’s pregnant instead of out of shape. I don’t even know if that day will come. Those pictures of those glorious beautiful pregnant women, shining, radiant, barely padded except for protruding tummies, those aren’t me. Even when I see larger, very pregnant women, I find myself whispering, “But what did she look like at my stage? And how much did she weigh?”
Which is just an extension of body questions I’ve always had. I don’t know if it’s objectively true (there have been some comments to support it but who can trust them?) but subjectively I’ve always had trouble finding other women who seemed to be built like me. I weigh a great deal more than some women who (to me) seem much more cushioned. My boobs never kept up with the rest of me. I’m pretty darn flexible (don’t ask me to do backbends, though). I say I’m eighty pounds overweight but there are healthy women literally half my weight (which has, admittedly, gone up since moving).
I’d gotten used to feeling kind of like a wuzzle. But this stage of pregnancy is so much about anticipation and anxiety. I’ve opted out of as much of the anxiety as I can (which includes opting out on some of the more intense anticipations of tasty little toes; I literally can’t go there without, in quick succession, anxiety attacks: nothing is guaranteed– followed by autonomous anxiety shutdown procedures: only work with data you actually have), so what’s left is anticipating the pregnancy itself: the bump. The heartbeat. The movement. The things that will enable anticipation of all the rest. And I just don’t know what I’ll get or when I’ll get it. So… I just check on my new seedlings and wait for germination of the other seeds. It’s only 7-10 days and the seeding medium is absolutely, positively standard and within all the normal parameters.
Categories: Science Experiment | Tags: general-zod, pregnancy | 5 Comments
