November 30th, 2004
Okay, so I didn’t call. I’m lame. Actually, I was very busy every evening until last night, when I had a headache and slept most of the evening.
Also, the reason your comments didn’t stick was because I accidentally deleted them when I deleted the metric ton of SPAM that has been infesting my blog. I managed to keep the most recent comments when I did my latest purge… I think.
I have an almost superstitious paranoia these days about talking about creative works and projects that are ongoing. I only want to talk about things that are going strong and really well. Everything else… better not to jinx it by talking about it.
Everybody seemed pleased by our house cleaning. Yay! There’s always more work to do though. Tonight I have to do chores. Hopefully the evil headache will stay away. I think I drank too much caffiene over my vacation.
I have problems sleeping these days, have I ever mentioned? Not consistently but sometimes– I get too hot, or I get too tense, or the latest one: I get too bored. No kidding. Last night I tricked myself into falling back asleep by telling myself I would get up and go work on something I was thinking about… as soon as the bed stopped being comfortable. Yep, as soon as the bed stopped being comfy I’d get up and go do something unboring. As soon as it wasn’t comfy… *snore*
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November 25th, 2004
Mashed potatoes and bacon-apple-caramelized onions stuffing, and turkey made Alton-style, and a lovely duck salad and cold potato-leek soup. Yummy. I’m so tired. I’ve been so tired everyday. Just worn out. I will call my family tomorrow. I love you, family!
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November 24th, 2004
Cheesecake in the oven. Brine simmering. My feet hurt. The house looks nice. Guests should arrive at some point. Maybe I’ll clean green beans soon.
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November 20th, 2004
We bought a large turkey today. I’m so drained I’m not sure I spelled turkey right. More cleaning to do. Always more cleaning. And so little of it will be noticeable. The surface layer is messy again but the deep strata are much better than they used to be.
I feel a bit feverish, to be honest. Not sure what’s up with that.
Kevin got EQ2 yesterday and we’ve played it some. It’s very… EQ. But there are some interesting design decisions.
I finished reading Going Postal (Terry Pratchett’s newest). I’m not good enough with words right now to describe how engulfing myself in a new book of his makes me feel. It’d be embarassing for both of us if I tried. ‘Inspiring’… is a start. A very rough start. ‘Inspiring of what?’ you might ask. Good question…
I’ve deleted about 500 pieces of spam from my blog over the last few days. Maybe closer to a thousand. Go go database back end mass delete. Or something. I’m not really happy about the spam.
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November 12th, 2004
I think a lot of strange things.
Sometimes I think Life is a goddess, or that dogs are an integral part of humanity.
Often, these days, I think of humanity as a single life form. A goddess’s attempt at immortality, maybe.
It’s still an embryo. Earth is eggyolk and shell. And it doesn’t have any DNA to tell it how to grow, so it has to work that out through trial and error. I think we’re getting pretty close to hatching, though, and to having a blueprint for future growth.
Individual humans are like individual cells in a smaller organism. Not exactly the same, of course! The metaphor is flawed in some ways, but I hope you’ll bear with me.
In a smaller organism, there are cells dedicated to interacting with the outside world, and dedicated to making the organism function. Some cells deal with nutrition and energy. Some cells keep other cells functional. Some cells clean up dead cells. Some cells make new cells. Some cells hunt down rogue misused cells. Some cells provide structure. Some cells think thoughts. Some cells sense external energy.
This is how I deal with how much the world can hurt, and my helplessness to salve those hurts. I’m part of something bigger than myself, and the best way I can help is to figure out what my function is, and do it to the best of my ability. Some people, it’s their function to teach children. Some people, it’s their function to counsel and heal the wounded. Some people, it’s their function to deal with individual people who are carcinogens. Some people, it’s their function to clean up the dead. Some people, it’s their function to figure out how we can make the tumors get smaller and smaller. Some people, it’s their function to make sure good ideas get spread around. Some people, it’s their function to maintain the communication networks ideas get spread around on. Some people, it’s their function to keep the other people healthy and productive. There may be secondary and tertiary functions, and one of those might or might not be your paying job these days.
My function seems to be ‘thinking weird thoughts, and sharing them with other people’. Oh, and maintaining the communication channels. Go go neural internet.
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November 9th, 2004
I’ve just rented a violin from Pacific Music in Redmond.
I’ve been thinking about violins for a long time. It was a couple of years back now that I was listening wistfully to some violin music, wishing I could play the violin, when I suddenly realized: I could learn.
I’ve thought about it off and on, with vague plans to rent an instrument and take lessons someday. Recently Amazon opened up their Instrument Store Beta, which spurred me to investigate violin costs, as I found that student violins could be purchased for a lot cheaper than I’d originally thought.
I decided that after Thanksgiving, in December, I would buy a violin, and sign up for the community college violin/viola class.
I spent some time researching the student violins, and became unsure that I would be happy with what I could get in my price range– which is small, because I’m trying to save for the wedding.
Today, I called the Redmond music store and asked them how much they charged for a rental. It was surprisingly reasonable, though required a three month commitment. It was also rent-to-own. So now, because of a deal, I have a violin paid through March. And a music stand, and a book.
So, at lunch, I went down there and got one. Because, well, I’ll never know unless I try. I was nervous all morning after I decided to go rent one at lunch.
I’ve spent a bit of time at work since then trying to hold the thing. Quite a muscle ache, I have to say. My body protests, “No, those muscles don’t actually exist,” and that’s just from /holding/ it.
So. Something else to give status reports on occasionally, along with cleaning and wedding and games and so forth. I don’t know if it will go anywhere, but I can’t know until I try.
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November 4th, 2004
With ADD, some days are worse than others. I’m honestly at my best when I have something to hyperfocus on, but that isn’t very common at work. I’ve trained myself to not hyperfocus on personal endeavors while at work, so I’m usually easily distractable. Some days, like today, I can’t even seem to keep a single thought in my head.
Usually even when I don’t hyperfocus on personal endeavors, I still have them in the back of my head. I do research on them– my usual distraction is ‘research’. It might be as trivial as reading forums, or google searching… something.
Today is just wretched. I’m staring off into space for minutes at a time trying to figure out what I’m supposed to be doing. I’ve resorted to an extremely detailed task list… if the tasks are too broad, I get distracted by trying to figure out how to get started and then I forget what I’m doing.
My head just feels empty. I don’t really have an strong personal endeavors currently. I’m not obsessed by FFXI (although I’m still playing it), ILoveBees has to wait until I get home lest I spoil myself, I’m not writing anything, I’m mostly waiting on other players for Nobilis PBEM…. I’m just aimless. It’s funny how it makes it even harder to do normal things.
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November 4th, 2004
With ADD, some days are worse than others. I’m honestly at my best when I have something to hyperfocus on, but that isn’t very common at work. I’ve trained myself to not hyperfocus on personal endeavors while at work, so I’m usually easily distractable. Some days, like today, I can’t even seem to keep a single thought in my head.
Usually even when I don’t hyperfocus on personal endeavors, I still have them in the back of my head. I do research on them– my usual distraction is ‘research’. It might be as trivial as reading forums, or google searching… something.
Today is just wretched. I’m staring off into space for minutes at a time trying to figure out what I’m supposed to be doing. I’ve resorted to an extremely detailed task list… if the tasks are too broad, I get distracted by trying to figure out how to get started and then I forget what I’m doing.
My head just feels empty. I don’t really have an strong personal endeavors currently. I’m not obsessed by FFXI (although I’m still playing it), ILoveBees has to wait until I get home lest I spoil myself, I’m not writing anything, I’m mostly waiting on other players for Nobilis PBEM…. I’m just aimless. It’s funny how it makes it even harder to do normal things.
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November 3rd, 2004
is that the people who fought to keep it had something to lose by giving it up.
Eleven states. It hurts me more than any presidential results. It’s not the end of the world. But it means things will get worse, much worse, before they get better… at least if people want it to get better in their lifetime.
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November 3rd, 2004
I don’t mean to preach. I don’t mean to be boring and pompous and haughty. I’m not very good at this. Maybe I should just stop trying to explain things to people.
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